Stress
Stress is an amazing thing, isn't it? It can cause headaches, ulcers, aches and pains just about everywhere...I'm tired of it. I'm so tired of being so stressed out I don't know which end is up. It's still one thing after another. Now, I know it could be worse. Don't get me wrong. I know sometimes I sound like "poor pitiful me", but ya know, when it is always something, it really does gets old!
I worked 6 days this last week, 50 hours total, and I'm sorry but that wore me out. So, last Wednesday I'd had a rough day, worked 9 1/2 hours, and just did not feel like cooking. James was off, so I thought we'd all go out and get something to eat. Jas, me, Caitlin, James and Maggie...Didn't realize it was such a big deal. When I got home Caitlin had a splinter in her thumb that she wanted out, but it was stuck in such a way the only way to get it out was with a straight pin. No way was I allowed to do that. After fighting for an hour, we just left. I felt like at the moment I'd beaten the crap right out of her the way she was crying and as guilty as I felt, so no more. We went to Madison, grabbed a bite to eat, and when we got home, she wanted me to try again. ARGH! It was the same thing. And you know, this has been 5 days ago, and that splinter, along with another is still in her finger. Poor thing. We've been putting zinc oxide on it, but so far no luck.
We're trying to find an apartment too. Sure they do credit checks, and mine is beyond the pits, but I need some place else. I am greatful that my parents let me stay while we were trying to remodel the house. And at the moment the foreclosure is not going to happen, BUT if Dad doesn't stay, which if things change he said he might stay. But with it so up in the air, why bother finishing my great-grandma's house?
Last night apparently Mom told Caitlin I was lazy and did nothing. Ya know, that was beyond the last straw. So I sent her a message and told her if she was so freakin' perfect, she could clean and do everything. I would never fix dinner, do a dish, nothing again, unless it was something I'd dirtied myself, or Caitlin. I was/and still am absolutely livid. I mean, with family like that, who really needs enemies? Sure I know it pissed her off although I never got a single comment back. Maybe bad timing, because someone else, a creditor, pissed Mom off as well Dad said. Oh well. You know she shouldn't be running her damn mouth! I'm tired of it.
On the one positive note, I got a letter from Andrew this week. He has always meant the world to me, and I was so glad to finally hear from him. He was my sanity for many years, then he lost his internet connection and moved, so it's probably been over 2 years. I know I wondered about him many times and had given up on him in a sense. That just proves that you never know.
Well that's nice. The internet has successfully stalled out. I hate living in the middle of nowhere. Honestly it sucks in so many ways!!
Later...
Instead of starting another blog, I figured I'd just add to this one a bit more. James quit. I wish he wouldn't have before he found another job. It's getting old...I know he hated it, but if I'm going to file for bankruptcy, which I don't see what choice I have, and we've got to get an apartment, my paycheck every month won't cut it!
And I swear the next person that says one more negative thing about me, they are going to lose their God foresaken head! I'm tired of it. Is it any wonder I have no self esteem? That I really do wonder if I really am that bad of a person? Caitlin's listened to Mom bitch for so long, she thinks it's ok now to be so rude. For example, sure I've always mumbled, I've never been an outspoken person. But I've had a toothache for what, 5 months now. OF COURSE I'M MUMBLING!! Sometimes it hurts to talk period! But I'm so tired of hearing it. I'm so tired of all the negativity. If everyone's so freakin' unhappy, that's fine, but keep me the heck out of it! Or does Mom, Dad, and even Caitlin sometimes enjoy pissing me off? Maybe that's what it is.
I just wonder how much longer my sanity is going to hold out some days...
I worked 6 days this last week, 50 hours total, and I'm sorry but that wore me out. So, last Wednesday I'd had a rough day, worked 9 1/2 hours, and just did not feel like cooking. James was off, so I thought we'd all go out and get something to eat. Jas, me, Caitlin, James and Maggie...Didn't realize it was such a big deal. When I got home Caitlin had a splinter in her thumb that she wanted out, but it was stuck in such a way the only way to get it out was with a straight pin. No way was I allowed to do that. After fighting for an hour, we just left. I felt like at the moment I'd beaten the crap right out of her the way she was crying and as guilty as I felt, so no more. We went to Madison, grabbed a bite to eat, and when we got home, she wanted me to try again. ARGH! It was the same thing. And you know, this has been 5 days ago, and that splinter, along with another is still in her finger. Poor thing. We've been putting zinc oxide on it, but so far no luck.
We're trying to find an apartment too. Sure they do credit checks, and mine is beyond the pits, but I need some place else. I am greatful that my parents let me stay while we were trying to remodel the house. And at the moment the foreclosure is not going to happen, BUT if Dad doesn't stay, which if things change he said he might stay. But with it so up in the air, why bother finishing my great-grandma's house?
Last night apparently Mom told Caitlin I was lazy and did nothing. Ya know, that was beyond the last straw. So I sent her a message and told her if she was so freakin' perfect, she could clean and do everything. I would never fix dinner, do a dish, nothing again, unless it was something I'd dirtied myself, or Caitlin. I was/and still am absolutely livid. I mean, with family like that, who really needs enemies? Sure I know it pissed her off although I never got a single comment back. Maybe bad timing, because someone else, a creditor, pissed Mom off as well Dad said. Oh well. You know she shouldn't be running her damn mouth! I'm tired of it.
On the one positive note, I got a letter from Andrew this week. He has always meant the world to me, and I was so glad to finally hear from him. He was my sanity for many years, then he lost his internet connection and moved, so it's probably been over 2 years. I know I wondered about him many times and had given up on him in a sense. That just proves that you never know.
Well that's nice. The internet has successfully stalled out. I hate living in the middle of nowhere. Honestly it sucks in so many ways!!
Later...
Instead of starting another blog, I figured I'd just add to this one a bit more. James quit. I wish he wouldn't have before he found another job. It's getting old...I know he hated it, but if I'm going to file for bankruptcy, which I don't see what choice I have, and we've got to get an apartment, my paycheck every month won't cut it!
And I swear the next person that says one more negative thing about me, they are going to lose their God foresaken head! I'm tired of it. Is it any wonder I have no self esteem? That I really do wonder if I really am that bad of a person? Caitlin's listened to Mom bitch for so long, she thinks it's ok now to be so rude. For example, sure I've always mumbled, I've never been an outspoken person. But I've had a toothache for what, 5 months now. OF COURSE I'M MUMBLING!! Sometimes it hurts to talk period! But I'm so tired of hearing it. I'm so tired of all the negativity. If everyone's so freakin' unhappy, that's fine, but keep me the heck out of it! Or does Mom, Dad, and even Caitlin sometimes enjoy pissing me off? Maybe that's what it is.
I just wonder how much longer my sanity is going to hold out some days...